separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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