The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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