I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
