you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
