My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
