the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think your dad took our porno
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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