I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
