All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
