you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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