Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
