Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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