The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
