bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
