We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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