New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
