I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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