Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
