Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
