standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
