So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my god I love twenty year old dicks
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Someone signed my nipple.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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