so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
