this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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