i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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