I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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