He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
