No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
