I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
