He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
