I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
