I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
