in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
