OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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