My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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