Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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