just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
