If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
