If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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