i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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