i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
