O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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