ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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