Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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