Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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