C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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