Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
