I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
