Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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