something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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