I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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