i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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