Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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