Ambien. No doubt about it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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