Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
