You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
