They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
