I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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