Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
