plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
