I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
