we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
