if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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