I wish my penis had an off switch
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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