You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
