the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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