you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
