I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
