hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
