It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
