I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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